Home doesn’t end at your front door. While we’d never understate the power of a soft and sinkable couch, there’s more than one way to create a home that feels comfortable and content—and a lot of it happens outside your own four walls.
Your neighbors and community have a huge impact on your lifestyle. Consider the near-nightly stress of living in a paper-thin apartment sandwiched between neighbors who run tap-dance-themed living room raves (maybe you live there now?), compared to the sheer contentment of living in a place where you hardly ever notice the neighbors unless they’re dropping fresh-baked cookies on your doormat with a note that they just got plumbing-certified, if you want them to take a look at your clogged sink for a quick sec.
Living amongst considerate people means everyone can enjoy their home to its fullest. But that means you must be the neighbor you’d like to have, too.
If you need some ideas, we’ve put together a big list of ways you can be kind, generous or, at the very least, respectful of the people you share your building, street, and community with.
Greet your neighbors as you see them. A simple “hello” or a wave from the driveway is enough.
Give your neighbors a heads up when you’re hosting a party. (Or even invite them!)
If you’re having people over, make sure they don’t block a neighbor’s driveway or take somebody else’s parking spot.
Show responsibility for your pets, and keep them from encroaching on your neighbors space, both property and personal.
Always keep your dog on a leash in common areas.
Pick up after your pets.
Ask the owner before you let your dog greet another neighbor’s dog or child.
Teach your children good manners in regards to how they interact with their neighbors, such as which areas are private, or what they should do if their ball enters another person’s yard.
Don’t overload your trash and recycling bins, or put your bins out before pickup day. If you find your bins are overloaded regularly, consider getting a second one.
Treat pest problems right away; they can spread to your neighbors’ homes.
If you get your neighbor’s mail by mistake, deliver it to them.
Hold doors open for your neighbors, especially if their hands are full.
Don’t gossip about your neighbors, in person or online.
Don’t eavesdrop on others’ conversations. If you accidentally overhear something, don’t repeat it to anyone.
Be respectful of others’ privacy, and don’t trespass on your neighbors’ property.
Keep yourself aware of your behavior, specifically anything that can be seen, heard, or smelled by the people you share your neighborhood with. Be the neighbor you’d like to have.
Abide by the official rules of your community or homeowners’ association, including parking restrictions, trash schedules, and quiet hours.
Don’t play your music too loud, or too late.
Don’t yell down the hallway.
Maintain quiet hours in the early morning and late evening.
If you smoke, do so away from your neighbors’ apartments and outdoor areas.
If you have a loud-ish hobby, let your neighbors know about it, and ask if there is a good time of day for you to practice.
If you have to hammer into a common wall, do it during daylight hours.
If you share laundry facilities, stay on top of your loads and change things over promptly.
Take care of common amenities (like the pool, grill, or fitness center) as if they were your own, and leave things better than you found them.
If you see something that needs fixing in the common spaces, let the super or landlord know. Don’t assume someone else has.
Keep your visible areas—like the front door or balcony—clean, uncluttered, and well-maintained.
Drive slowly and carefully through the parking lot or other shared roadways.
Make sure you’re following city ordinances regarding trash, noise, or any other nuisance.
Don’t mow the lawn or run loud equipment too early on the weekends.
Be mindful of when you honk your horn in the driveway.
Be mindful of when your headlights are shining into another neighbors’ windows.
Maintain your landscaping and home’s exterior to the standard of the rest of the neighborhood.
Be mindful of your exterior lights; it’s good to keep shadowy areas lit, but you should make sure your lights aren’t shining into a neighbor’s windows.
Introduce yourself to new neighbors as soon as you can.
Tell them about your household or family, and provide them with your names, phone numbers and email addresses.
Learn their names (and the names of their children or pets), remember them, and use them. There’s no shame in keeping a note on your phone until you know them by heart.
Bring them a small treat or a gift, such as a bottle of wine, a homecooked treat, a gift card, or a bouquet of flowers.
Give recommendations for any local services you love—such as a plumber, lawn mower, dry cleaner, or a great takeout spot.
Host a potluck or cocktail hour for your building or neighborhood to get to know the new neighbors.
If you’re new to the block, invite your neighbors to your housewarming party.
Greet your neighbors with a “hello,” a smile, or a wave each time you see them. Ask how they’re doing.
If you see a neighbor carrying groceries or something unwieldy, help them unload.
Carry your neighbors’ trash bins to the curb on trash day.
If you see they have a package, carry it to their door.
Compliment your neighbors. If you enjoy their flowers, their decorations, or their new car, say so.
Learn your neighbors’ work schedules. For instance, if one of your close neighbors works a night shift, you might want to maintain different courtesies.
If you know your neighbors have young children at home, ask what time they usually nap so you can keep quiet and watch out for doorbell-ringers.
Learn your neighbors’ customs, religions, or affiliations, and wish them well on holidays or events.
Learn your neighbors’ dietary restrictions and keep them in mind when you’re hosting a potluck or bringing them a gift.
Try being outside more. Take walks or spend quality time outside to see and greet your neighbors more often, and make your neighborhood feel more like a community.
Attend block parties, movie nights in the park, community cookouts, and other neighborhood events.
Set your expectations appropriately. Your neighbors may not be as neighborly as you are, and that’s okay!
If you see someone on your way out to the store, ask if they need anything.
If you’re enjoying food or drink on your porch or in the courtyard, offer some to any neighbors you see pass by.
If you’re mowing the lawn, shoveling the sidewalk, blowing the leaves, power-washing the patio, or washing the car, offer to do the same for your neighbor. Once you build a rapport, you can do it without asking, as a courtesy. In time, I bet they’ll begin to do the same for you.
Let them know when you’ll be out of town to foster a relationship where you look out for each other. If there’s something you won’t be using while you’re away—like a parking space—offer it up to your neighbor.
Ask for permission to sign for their packages. When you do, leave a note on their door.
Offer to babysit — even just so they can run to the store for a minute.
Offer to watch their pets, water their plants, or check their mail when they go out of town.
Offer to take your neighbor’s dog on a walk. It will be a nice excursion for you, especially if you don’t have pets. It could also be a helpful gesture for them, especially if they have a hard time doing it themselves.
Invite your neighbors over for dinner occasionally.
If you have children, offer to host a playdate for them to get to know your neighbor’s children.
If you know your neighbor is sick or struggling, bring them a warm meal or do something nice like carry their mail in or shovel their driveway.
If their car is in the shop, offer to give them a ride.
Set up a carpool with other families in your neighborhood.
Learn your neighbors birthdays, or the birthdays of their kids, so you can wish them well or bring them a small card or gift.
Offer to let your neighbors use parts of your home, like your pool or a cozy side yard sitting area.
Offer to lend your things if you see a neighbor in need.
If you borrow anything, return it promptly in clean and perfect condition, or offer to fix or pay to repair any damage.
Once you’ve found a neighbor you trust, offer to trade spare house keys with them as a safeguard in case you’re ever locked out or need help while away.
Give your neighbors a card or a small gift around the holidays.
When you’re making a big batch of something, bring a small plate to your neighbors.
When you’re decluttering, ask your neighbor if they have any need for any of your items before you donate them or place them on the curb.
If your neighbor or their family are fundraising or participating in a charity event, buy something or donate some money, if you’re able.
If you get perks from your job, like treats to take home or a friends and family discount, offer to share them with your neighbors.
If you have a special skill or trade, offer up your services to your neighbor as a courtesy.
Don’t ask for or take advantage of your neighbor’s perks or skills—it’s about being kind and considerate, not getting a freebie.
Join your neighborhood association and attend the meetings.
Attend your homeowners’ association meetings or, even better, get on the board.
Participate in online message boards and groups for your neighborhood. Maintain your values online, call out inappropriate behavior when you’re able, and always speak to people online with the same kindness and decorum as if you were face to face with them.
Learn about and support local advocacy movements that appeal to your values. Fight for the rights of yourself and others in your neighborhood.
Know who your representatives are, at every level.
Vote. Educate yourself about the elections and measures happening locally.
If you’re able, donate time or money to the candidates and issues that support your values.
If you’d like to display campaign signs to support causes or candidates, make sure they’re within your property.
Organize a service project for your neighborhood. Gather up some of your neighbors and suggest a day cleaning up a local park, or volunteering at a nearby shelter.
Create a community space, such as a shared garden, or a board game station in the lounge.
Pick up trash when you see trash. Don’t litter.
Attempt face-to-face communication when you can (and you feel safe doing so). It’s harder to communicate delicate issues over text or email.
Don’t leave passive-aggressive notes.
Don’t air your grievances out on social networking sites like Nextdoor.
If a neighbor comes over with a gripe or to tell you to keep your noise down, be tactful and apologize. If you believe you’re in the right, be prepared to support yourself with facts or laws, but keep in mind the most important law is the golden rule: Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.
If you know you’ve overstepped—like your loud party went too late—seek out your neighbor and proactively apologize. Take care to not repeat the same mistakes.
If your neighbors let you know that your dog has a problem with barking, bring it up to your veterinarian or dog trainer and see if there are ways to address it to avoid disturbing the neighborhood when you’re not home.
When you have a small grievance with your neighbor, speak to them calmly and with an open mind. Try to understand if their actions were an innocent mistake rather than anything malicious.
If you have a larger issue with your neighbor and you feel safe doing so, speak to them directly about it. Calling the police on your neighbor is drastic step with unforeseen consequences.
If you do need to involve a third party, consider if another agency—such as your landlord, the sanitation department, or animal control—is a more appropriate option than the police.
If you suspect your neighbor is a victim of domestic violence, try to find a time to speak with them alone and offer assistance or other resources (like a ride somewhere, or the number of a hotline).
